Life moves pretty slow, if you don't stop to look around once in a while... you wouldn't know what to do with yourself... A lesson learnt from ignoring Ferris Bueller and particularly relevant to the veritable banquet of r&r I'm enjoying in Portugal.... Roll on you slow and steady days... The liver is almost back up to 100%, food has reached a level of exceptional home cooking proportions only a Mum can achieve and i've spent 20 euros in four days... Get in...
So, What have I been up to the last couple of days.... Lots of interesting things.... honest.... I saw a bee today..... if flew into a window... shame... and this swallow actually landed on the table outside.... Mum exclaimed she hadn't seen that before... it was a real day of firsts..
Really though, I did very little yesterday and today apart from relax, speak to some of my favourite people on the tinternet.... you know who you are.. and sunbathe.. I've almost gone from blue to white... it's real progress.
So, I thought to myself.. "I have to think of something to keep the three of you who read this entertained." So, I came up with a few tips on what to do and not to do while travelling...
1. Accept that the Dr's I've seen in Sydney are profit mongerers....meerly the whores of capitalism.... Why you ask?
Well i'll bloody tell you... Checked my washbag yesterday... what did I find...
a) Altitute sickness tablets.... now I won't be needing those on my weekend trip to Amsterdam will I? Where did I need them? Peru, that's where. Did I use them? Did I buggery....
Me to my tour leader: "When should I take these altitude sickness tablets?"
Tour leader "err... you won't need those, they'll make you ill... have some cocoa tea and you'll be fine... Hope you didn't spend much on them."
b) Malaria tablets.... did I need them in South America.... our survey says... uh uuuuhhhh
c) Gastro salts.... again... a negative requirement.
All in all a great bunch of utter rubbish.
2. Don't eat yellow snow.... but in truth, if your going on a trek in South America the next day, don't listen to anyone who says... "But you've got to try the Guinea Pig... when else are you going to have some?"
I'll tell you when... every other day you're in Peru... except those days aren't the day before you go on a two day trek... The other days would have been fine to be sick... not the day before the trek. My advice.... stick to staple foods... bacon sarnies and spag bol... Can't go wrong.
3. Some advice to our male Scandinavian friends... if you go to a club in South America and everyone else in the club is wearing jeans, top and trainers.... the attractive, made up local ladies wearing little black dresses and high heals are prostitutes... To help you out.... i've devised a simple phrase for you to remember...
"If it looks like a prostitute and orders an expensive champagne like a prostitute when you offer her a drink... chances are, she's a prostitute..." Take heed friends....
Anyway, I have achieved a few things over the last couple of days... the washing's done and smells like a field of flowers... nice.... I checked some flights to Europe and it's looking pretty affordable... I also have a basic plan of what i'm going to do in UK... Things are looking up...
Tomorrow, I spend some time practicing the Spanish... Check me out...
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