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Winter 2014
Chapter 1
It’s an inescapable feeling. You try to deny it, try to ignore it but eventually it becomes you. There’s the knowledge that it’s wrong, what I do is wrong but fight is not an option. It always wins… that desire… in the end… it always wins. I need to do this to feel normal… whatever normal is… that comfortable certainty that makes people feel safe, the thing that avoids the unknown…the undefined…and replaces it with the anticipated, the usual. Nothing misunderstood, that’s normal. For me, that normal makes me feel nothing but dead inside. There’s no spark. No life. Just monotony. I know I’m not right. I know what I do deviates from the way of average people, from the everyday position of human beings. But I can’t help it, I need it. At this time, I need it. The way life is, it’s a temperature scale. The regular position is cold, our standard life, go to bed at 10pm, get up at 6am, get ready for work, go to work, come home, eat, sleep. It’s all cold. There’s no passion…
Chapter 1
It’s an inescapable feeling. You try to deny it, try to ignore it but eventually it becomes you. There’s the knowledge that it’s wrong, what I do is wrong but fight is not an option. It always wins… that desire… in the end… it always wins. I need to do this to feel normal… whatever normal is… that comfortable certainty that makes people feel safe, the thing that avoids the unknown…the undefined…and replaces it with the anticipated, the usual. Nothing misunderstood, that’s normal. For me, that normal makes me feel nothing but dead inside. There’s no spark. No life. Just monotony. I know I’m not right. I know what I do deviates from the way of average people, from the everyday position of human beings. But I can’t help it, I need it. At this time, I need it. The way life is, it’s a temperature scale. The regular position is cold, our standard life, go to bed at 10pm, get up at 6am, get ready for work, go to work, come home, eat, sleep. It’s all cold. There’s no passion…